Dear Tyson,
The fact that you only ever talked to me when no one else was around and refused to spend time with me in public was so sweet and thoughtful. It was so special how you fooled around with me and then told me you wished you’d fooled around with my best friend, but only after I pried it out of you.
But it all worked out in the end for me. I ended up with the guy of my dreams and I heard you ended up leaving an art opening in tears.
And you’re unemployed.
And you’re nothing special in bed.
And you’re single (refer to previous point).
xo