Where your feelings go to die. Submit your own: ex boyfriend dead letter office! We'll post it anonymously with a picture of an 80s or 90s erstwhile celebrity. It's just that easy!

12th March 2010

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Dear Ted, You’re 6’4”-ish and a professional wrestler. Nice build, yadda yadda. Boy, was I disappointed when I found out you weren’t packing much… and didn’t have the technique to make up for that. Oh, and it wasn’t bad enough that you lived with your parents and kept your bedroom the same way it was since childhood (including the twin-sized bed that was way small for your tall, albeit lacking in the peen department frame)… but your mom cutting up your sausage and waffles for you in the morning? REALLY? (Nevermind the fact that you’re a homophobe and have the grammatical skills of a three-toed sloth.) Thanks for making me realize in retrospect that the idea of you was way better than the real thing.

Dear Ted,

You’re 6’4”-ish and a professional wrestler. Nice build, yadda yadda. Boy, was I disappointed when I found out you weren’t packing much… and didn’t have the technique to make up for that.

Oh, and it wasn’t bad enough that you lived with your parents and kept your bedroom the same way it was since childhood (including the twin-sized bed that was way small for your tall, albeit lacking in the peen department frame)… but your mom cutting up your sausage and waffles for you in the morning? REALLY?

(Nevermind the fact that you’re a homophobe and have the grammatical skills of a three-toed sloth.)

Thanks for making me realize in retrospect that the idea of you was way better than the real thing.